Answer
How Do I Set Physical Boundaries Without Making Dating Awkward?
Maybe you want to live the law of chastity but are not always sure what that looks like when you are dating someone you are genuinely attracted to. How far is too far? When should we talk about boundaries? What if we have already crossed some?
Those are important questions. Let’s talk them through. God does not ask you to avoid attraction; He asks you to learn how to govern it. Physical boundaries help you protect something good—your ability to love another person with patience, respect, self-control, and faithfulness.
After Shiblon had served faithfully as a missionary, Alma counseled him to “bridle all your passions, that ye may be filled with love” (Alma 38:12). A bridle does not remove a horse’s strength; it directs it. Alma was teaching that strong feelings are not the problem. Learning to direct them is part of becoming capable of deeper love.
That fits with The Family: A Proclamation to the World, which places sexual intimacy within marriage. Elder David A. Bednar taught in “We Believe in Being Chaste” that our bodies, marriage, and the power to create life all belong within Heavenly Father’s plan. Boundaries make more sense when you see what God is preparing sexual intimacy to mean.
Genesis 39 tells of Joseph in Egypt. Potiphar’s wife repeatedly pressured him sexually, and when she finally caught hold of his clothing, Joseph “fled, and got him out” (Genesis 39:7–12). He did not stay to prove his self-control. His example shows that faithfulness sometimes includes changing the setting, not merely trying harder to resist it in the moment.
Dating culture can make that feel awkward. You may hear that if chemistry is real, physical affection should simply “happen naturally.” But deciding what you believe while you are already alone, emotionally close, and strongly attracted to someone makes wise choices much harder.
Research points in a similar direction. BYU researchers Dean Busby, Jason Carroll, and Brian Willoughby found that couples who delayed sexual involvement reported better communication, relationship satisfaction, sexual quality, and perceived stability. (Read the research.) Research does not establish the commandment, but it does suggest that moving slowly physically does not weaken a strong relationship.
Research on self-control points in a similar direction. Peter Gollwitzer and Paschal Sheeran reviewed 94 tests and found that specific “if-then” plans improved people’s ability to follow through on goals (meta-analysis).
If you have already crossed boundaries, you can repent, reset them, and move forward. Jesus Christ does not ask you to stay defined by a past moment.
Questions to Think About
- Which situations make my boundaries hardest to keep?
- Have we actually talked about what we believe?
- Are our physical choices helping us build trust and friendship?
What You Can Do This Week
Choose your boundaries while you are calm. Talk about them clearly with the person you are dating. Then change one setting or habit that regularly makes those boundaries harder to keep.
Jesus Christ can help you develop self-control without making you afraid of attraction. With Him, you can learn to love in a way that prepares you for greater trust, fidelity, and covenant intimacy.