Essay

Is It Okay to Delay or Limit Having Children?

Maybe you and your spouse want children but are not sure when to begin. You may be finishing school, carrying debt, getting established in work, or simply wondering whether you are ready for the responsibility. And once children come, another question can become just as personal: How do we know how many children our family should have?

These are sincere questions. The gospel gives us an important place to begin: God’s commandment for husbands and wives to bring children into the world is still in force. Having children is not merely one lifestyle choice among many equally desirable options for a married couple. God created marriage with the power and responsibility to welcome and raise His children.

It does require faith to trust that if Heavenly Father wants us to have children and we are able, He will always provide a way. As you prayerfully work with Him to understand how to move forward in faith, you can resist the voices of the world that try to instill fear, remembering that God is able to help you.

Drew Thought He Would Never Want Children

Sometimes the life we imagine without children feels complete—until we actually become parents and realize how much deeper joy can be. In this first-person Instagram reel, Drew Harrisberg shares how different his expectations once were. He thought he might never have children and pictured a good life filled with dogs, freedom, and the things he already, but look at what changed everything for him:

God Commanded Husbands and Wives to Have Children

The commandment to have children reaches all the way back to the Creation. After God created Adam and Eve and joined them together as husband and wife, He blessed them and commanded them to “be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth” (Genesis 1:28).

This was the very first commandment God gave Adam and Eve as husband and wife.

The Family: A Proclamation to the World repeats that doctrine in unmistakable language: “The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force.”

That declaration matters in a world that can treat children as a limitation on freedom. Children certainly require sacrifice. But God does not describe them first as burdens. Psalm 127 calls children “an heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3).

That makes parenthood part of our eternal purpose.

So the question for a married couple is not simply, Would children fit comfortably into the life we have planned? The deeper question is, How does the Lord want us to fulfill this commandment and stewardship in the life we are building with Him?

What If We Are Not Sure We Are Ready?

The Church’s teaching on birth control encourages husbands and wives to “pray and counsel together as they plan their families.”

But the same counsel reminds us not to postpone children for purely selfish reasons. That reminder is important because it can be easy for almost any sacrifice to become a reason to wait indefinitely. There will usually be another financial goal, career milestone, trip, degree, house, or measure of security that could make parenthood seem easier later.

Satan can make understandable concerns more spiritually powerful by keeping our attention fixed on everything children might take from us while obscuring what God intends children, mothers, fathers, and families to become together. The answer is not to pretend sacrifice is easy. It is to remember that sacrifice and joy are not opposites.

The purpose of personal revelation isn’t to determine whether God’s commandment still applies. Rather, revelation helps you and your spouse understand how to faithfully live that commandment within your actual circumstances.

When Children Begin to Look Mostly Like a Burden in Culture

One of the most important cultural messages to notice is the way children are increasingly discussed in terms of what adults must give up to have them.

Young adults may hear that children will restrict travel, slow a career, strain finances, reduce freedom, complicate relationships, interfere with education, or make life more stressful. Some of those costs are real. Raising children does require sacrifice, and pretending otherwise would not help anyone prepare for parenthood wisely.

The distortion comes when cost becomes the primary way we measure the value of children.

What Does the Research Suggest About Marriage, Children, and Happiness?

Brad Wilcox’s work gives useful context to that cultural message. In this conversation about Gen Z, marriage, and children, Wilcox discusses projections from the Institute for Family Studies suggesting that a substantial share of Gen Z may never marry or have children. He also challenges the increasingly common assumption that avoiding marriage and children is more likely to preserve freedom and produce a happier life.

Research by the Institute for Family Studies found high levels of happiness among married mothers and fathers, even though parenthood brings significant responsibilities and sacrifice.

The findings are worth considering because they challenge a cultural assumption that the life with fewer obligations will naturally be the happier one.

Elder Andersen: The Commandment Is Real, and the Decision Is Sacred

Elder Neil L. Andersen brings these two principles together particularly well in “Children.” He first reaffirmed the Lord’s commandment concerning children and then explained how couples should make decisions about their own families.

He taught:

“When to have a child and how many children to have are private decisions to be made between a husband and wife and the Lord. These are sacred decisions—decisions that should be made with sincere prayer and acted on with great faith.”

Heavenly Father’s commandment is to have children. However, the private decision concerns the circumstances, timing, and number of children vary within a marriage.

Elder Andersen also taught, “We should not judge one another on this matter.” A couple with two children may be seeking the Lord just as sincerely as a couple with six. Looking at another family from the outside tells you little about pregnancies, infertility, miscarriages, health problems, personal revelation, or other circumstances that shaped their decisions.

The Lord knows those realities.

Sometimes a faithful couple’s family will simply not become what they once imagined. God knows your desire to keep all of His commandment and to follow Him while facing circumstances outside your control.

A Few Questions Worth Thinking About

• How can my spouse and I prayerfully understand God’s commandment within our own circumstances and hopes for the future?
• What concerns, questions, or outside messages would be helpful for us to bring honestly before the Lord?