Essay

The Finish Line Keeps Moving: Why Waiting for Career Security May Delay Marriage, Parenthood, and Happiness

You may have heard that the responsible thing to do is to get established first: finish school, pay off your loans, find a good job, buy a home, and then think seriously about marriage and children.

But real life rarely feels that simple. You may be wondering: Could I really support a family on what I make right now? Would marriage or children get in the way of my career? What if money problems create tension between us? What if I wait—and then never feel completely ready?

Those concerns are understandable. Building a family requires sacrifice, planning, and hard work. But it may be worth asking whether financial security is a necessary foundation for marriage—or an ideal that keeps moving further away.

The gospel does not teach that you must have everything figured out before beginning a family. Marriage is not something you start only after you have finished building your life. For many couples, marriage is part of how they build that life—working, budgeting, sacrificing, and making important decisions together.

Prophets have encouraged young adults not to postpone marriage indefinitely while pursuing money, status, or career success. They have also taught that the Lord helps faithful couples meet the responsibilities He gives them. Readiness involves more than a degree, a salary, or a perfect résumé. It also involves faith, character, commitment, and a willingness to grow together.

The teachings of Jesus, the counsel of modern prophets, and the experience of one young couple invite us to reconsider a question many young adults face: Do I really need to wait until I am fully established before I begin building a family?

What Came First in God’s Plan?

When people talk about marriage and family, it is easy to assume that a career should come first. First finish school. Then find a good job. Then become financially secure. Only after all of that, perhaps, begin building a family.

But Jesus pointed to a different starting place. He rooted marriage in God’s design at Creation—not in the customs, expectations, or economic conditions of any particular time. The Family: A Proclamation to the World teaches that “marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God” and that “the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.”

That does not mean financial responsibilities are unimportant. It does mean that marriage and family should not automatically be treated as goals to pursue only after everything else is settled. If family is central to God’s plan, then deciding when to pursue marriage deserves prayer, faith, and thoughtful consideration—not just comparison with other people’s career timelines.

A Couple Who Didn’t Wait for Perfect Conditions

In this conversation, a Christian couple who married young talk through the objections they heard, including “you need to live a little first” and “how are you going to afford it”:

Why “Get Established First” Sounds So Reasonable

The advice to get established before getting married or having children sounds sensible because it is built on real concerns. Providing for a family matters. The proclamation teaches that fathers “are responsible to provide the necessities of life.” Tuition, rent, health care, and student debt are real pressures. Wanting to enter marriage prepared and able to contribute is a responsible desire.

The challenge is that “getting established” can become an expectation that is almost impossible to satisfy. There is always another degree, promotion, salary increase, savings goal, or purchase that seems necessary before you are truly ready.

What this advice can leave out is that couples often build stability together. The proclamation also teaches that fathers and mothers are “obligated to help one another as equal partners.” A family’s security is not created by one person reaching a perfect level of success before marriage. It is often built gradually as a husband and wife make a budget, share responsibilities, adjust their plans, sacrifice for each other, and pray about decisions they could not make alone.

A helpful question to ask is: Am I making a responsible plan—or am I waiting for circumstances to become perfect?

What Prophets Have Taught About Waiting

Elder D. Todd Christofferson warned that this way of thinking can slowly move marriage and family to the edges of our lives. He taught that Lucifer “seeks to convince men and women that marriage and family priorities can be ignored or abandoned, or at least made subservient to careers, other achievements, and the quest for self-fulfillment and individual autonomy” (Why Marriage, Why Family).

The danger may not be openly rejecting marriage or family life. It may be continually postponing them. Next year, after the promotion. Later, after the debt is paid. Eventually, after life feels more secure. But if “ready” always depends on reaching the next milestone, the decision to begin a family can keep moving further away.

President Ezra Taft Benson spoke directly to young single adults who worried about supporting a family. In April 1988, he acknowledged their concerns:

“You are concerned about being able to support a wife and family and provide them with the necessities in these uncertain economic times. Those fears must be replaced with faith.”

He was not saying that providing for a family is easy or that preparation does not matter. He was warning against allowing fear and the pursuit of material success to postpone marriage indefinitely. He continued:

“Also, do not be caught up in materialism, one of the real plagues of our generation—that is, acquiring things, fast-paced living, and securing career success in the single state. Honorable marriage is more important than wealth, position, and status” (To the Single Adult Brethren of the Church).

For a young adult today, his counsel raises an honest question: Am I preparing responsibly for marriage, or am I waiting for a level of financial success that may always seem just out of reach?

What Research Adds

Research does not tell every couple exactly when to marry or have children. People’s circumstances are different, and getting married earlier is not automatically better. But research does challenge the assumption that waiting until your education, career, and finances are fully established will necessarily lead to a stronger marriage.

Family scholars Alan Hawkins, Brad Wilcox, and Jason Carroll compared couples who married earlier with couples who waited until their education and careers were more established. They found “few reasons to favor capstone marriages over cornerstone marriages.” In their study, couples who married earlier reported slightly higher marital quality on average.

These findings are correlations, not guarantees. They do not mean that everyone should marry young or ignore important financial concerns. They do suggest, however, that waiting until life feels completely secure does not automatically produce a better marriage.

A related study examined the belief that young adults need a certain amount of money saved before getting married. Those who became more convinced that they needed savings before marriage did not necessarily save more. In fact, their assets were predicted to decrease over time.

In other words, waiting for financial security did not always create the financial security people expected. The belief that they needed to be more established delayed marriage, but it did not necessarily help them become more prepared.

This research raises an important question: Is waiting actually helping me prepare for marriage and family life—or am I simply hoping that I will feel more ready someday?

Questions to Consider

• What has shaped my idea of when I will be ready for marriage?
• Do I believe I need to be financially secure before I can get married?
• Am I making decisions based more on faith or on fear?
• What could change in my dating life if I trusted that the Lord would help me meet the responsibilities He gives me?