Essay

From Gay to Gospel: The Incredible Story of Becket Cook

You may have wondered what defines you most deeply. Is it your sexuality, your desires, your relationships, your past, your successes, or your struggles?

The world often encourages us to build our identity around the experiences that feel most important to us. But the restored gospel teaches a more hopeful, permanent identity: you are a beloved son or daughter of Heavenly Parents with a divine nature and eternal destiny.

Becket’s Search for Meaning

Ten years ago, Becket Cook was a gay man in Hollywood who had achieved great success as a set designer in the fashion industry. He worked with stars and supermodels, from Natalie Portman to Claudia Schiffer, traveling the world to design photo shoots for the likes of Vogue and Harper’s Bazaar. He attended award shows and parties at the homes of Paris Hilton and Prince. He spent summers swimming in Drew Barrymore’s pool.

A decade later, Cook has moved on from that life—and he doesn’t miss it.

What changed for Cook? He met Jesus.

Searching for Meaning Through Jesus Christ

On a momentous day in September 2009, while meeting up with a friend at Intelligentsia in L.A.’s Silver Lake neighborhood, Cook started chatting with a group of young people sitting at a nearby table—physical Bibles opened in front of them—and they invited Cook to visit the church.

Cook took them up on the invitation and visited Reality L.A. the next Sunday, where he heard the gospel and gave his life to Jesus. He never looked back, trading his gay identity for a new identity in Christ.

I had already been wrestling with questions about the meaning of life, searching for it in all sorts of ways. But I knew God was never an option, because I was gay. It was off the table. I wasn’t confused about what the Bible had to say about homosexuality. I knew it was clear. But I was still searching for meaning.

So when I came to this coffee shop six months later and saw that group of young people with their Bibles open, I started asking them questions. They explained the gospel, what they believed. I asked what their church believed about homosexuality, and they explained that they believed it is a sin. I appreciated their honesty and that they didn’t beat around the bush. But the reason I was able to accept their answer was because I had that moment in Paris. Five years earlier I would have been like, You guys are insane. You’re in the dark ages. But instead I was like, Maybe I could be wrong. Maybe this actually is a sin. So I was open to it in the moment. And then they invited me to church.

This conversation became the beginning of a much larger encounter with the gospel. Cook was not only reconsidering one belief; he was beginning to ask what it meant to give his whole life to Jesus Christ.

In this clip, Becket shares his incredible experience of coming to faith and change through Jesus Christ:

Letting Jesus Christ Teach You a New Way to Live

Conversion to Christianity did not end Cook’s story. It began a process of learning, discipleship, prayer, and change.

Learning a New Way to Live

It was a process of people discipling me at my church and God discipling me through these other voices. During that time right after I got saved, I had a three-month period of no work, which was unusual. So I had all this time to spend with God, to pray and read the Bible. I couldn’t stop reading the Bible. Every time I’d listen to a sermon or read the Bible I’d end up in tears: “Oh my gosh, this is true! I can’t believe I know God and know the meaning of life finally!”

Leaving the Gay Identity for Christ

For Becket, this process also changed the way he understood his identity. His experience connects with the restored gospel’s teaching that our most enduring identities come from God.

President Russell M. Nelson has taught young adults to remember three enduring identities: child of God, child of the covenant, and disciple of Jesus Christ.

The Family Proclamation teaches a similar foundation. Before anything else, you are a beloved child of Heavenly Parents with a divine nature and destiny. That identity does not make every question simple, but it gives you a place to stand while you work through difficult questions with faith, honesty, and the help of Jesus Christ.

Losing the LGBTQ Identity and Label

For Becket and those he has worked with over the many years since becoming a disciple of Jesus Christ, holding onto the worldly LGBTQ identity and becoming a new person in Christ are actually irreconcilable:

It’s strange to me to see these attempts. I had such a clean break from it, and it was entirely God’s grace upon me to see that it was necessary. Would you call yourself a greedy Christian? Would you call yourself a tax-collector Christian? It seems strange to identify yourself with sin. It’s a square circle. Defining yourself as a “gay Christian,” even if you are celibate and not active in a homosexual relationship, is wildly misleading. And it’s almost like you’re stewing in your old sin, hanging onto your old self in a weird way. It’s not helpful to have that moniker over you and to continually identify as such. Why would you identify with your old self that has been crucified with Christ? So I flee from that term as far as I can. It’s not who I am at all. If people ask me how I identify, I’m just like, “I don’t identify by my sexuality. I’m a follower of Christ who has a lot of struggles, including same-sex attraction.”

What Research Shows About Identity Labels

Research across sociology and psychology suggests that labels can strongly influence how people understand themselves, influence their behavior, and shape how others respond to them.

Researchers sometimes describe this as a self-fulfilling prophecy. When a label becomes central to someone’s self-concept, it can shape expectations, behavior, and opportunities. The person may begin to act in ways that fit the label, while others may treat the person according to what they expect the label to mean.

In that sense, researchers also have found that a label can become an “identity cage.” It can flatten a complex human being into one category and make it harder to imagine growth, change, or a different future.

The restored gospel offers a more complete identity: child of God, child of the covenant, and disciple of Jesus Christ.

This does not mean that every label is false or that people’s experiences should be ignored. It means that sexual labels should not become larger than the eternal identity God has revealed.

What is it like learning of stories of Christians who grow up in the faith but then abandon it because of the LGBT issue?

I see this happen all the time, especially kids who grew up in Christian families and went to Christian colleges. You can see it coming from a mile away. It’s so common, and the culture is so powerful. I’m always like, “Look, if you’re going to be on social media or Netflix for an hour, you need to read the Bible for an hour because you’ve just been lied to and now you need the truth.” So yeah, it’s very sad. Your life is a vapor. You’re here for two seconds. What do you want your life to be at the end, when you’re on your deathbed? Do you want it to be, “Oh, I got to satisfy all those urges and got the things I wanted”? Or do you want to be told, “Well done, good and faithful servant. You spent your life on a mission for the kingdom of God”? I often think about Paul, who was single and didn’t whine about it. He cared about planting churches and getting the gospel out. He was shipwrecked, beaten, jailed, but he didn’t care—he just wanted the gospel taught.

To the people who give up, I first and foremost pray, particularly for those I know. It’s so sad to me because you’re literally giving up your birthright for a single meal.

Does Living a Celibate Life Mean Missing Out?

Becket shares that when he first converted to Christianity and left behind the gay lifestyle, many of his friends asked him if he felt he was missing out. His joyful response is captured in this short clip:

What Did Following Christ Do For Becket?

Becket often talks about what changed most deeply for him: not simply what he gave up, but the safety and peace he says he found in his relationship with Christ.

God had a lot of grace on me the day he saved me. Giving up the gay life wasn’t that difficult; it was actually quite easy. I had just met Jesus and the relationship with him was so overwhelming and wonderful and all-consuming. Oddly enough, I was relieved I didn’t have to date anymore. When you’re in that gay lifestyle, you’re constantly pressured. So I was really relieved to not do that anymore. Like I say in the book, all my partners cheated on me, which is common; it’s like de rigueur for the gay world.

In my relationship with Christ I felt so safe. I didn’t have to perform. It was such a relief to be in this relationship with Christ. It didn’t feel costly, because I was so full of joy.

The gain is like Paul said: “I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord” (Phil. 3:8). Malcolm Muggeridge has that famous quote about how all the fame and money and success of the world is nothing, less than nothing, compared to knowing Christ. The gain is this relationship with God through Christ. Eternal life. It’s this impenetrable joy because of not only knowing Christ, but knowing the meaning of life—where I came from, what I’m doing, where I’m going. It gives me such peace.

How should a Christian respond when people close to them come out as gay or lesbian?

I’ve seen this happen to several of my friends, and I understand the motivation behind the phenomenon. But the Word of God doesn’t change based on our feelings. In terms of responding to those close to us who come out as gay or lesbian, it’s important to love them unconditionally without compromising your convictions. As Christians, we are in exile. And just as Shadrach and friends refused to bow down to the golden statue in Babylon (Daniel 3), even though the consequences were potentially dire, we have to resist the temptation to bow down to the culture we’re in—no matter the cost.

I’m not saying this is easy. Some who come out will be super offended when you hold to your traditional biblical views. The issue is now so deeply tied to identity that it can feel like you are rejecting them. I certainly felt that way whenever I remembered that my family, even though they loved me, believed homosexual behavior is a sin. Though it wasn’t their intent, I felt alienated by them. So I think the key is to love your friend unconditionally no matter what, and to pray for them. That’s what my sister-in-law did with me. She was an evangelical Christian and knew that I knew what her beliefs were on sexuality (she held the orthodox view). But I never felt an ounce of judgment from her over the years. She just loved me and prayed for me … for 20 long years. And it worked!

Trusting Jesus Christ Through Ongoing Struggle

Becket’s story shows that following Christ does not require waiting until every struggle has disappeared. Discipleship means bringing the whole self to the Savior and allowing Him to lead us one step at a time:

I still struggle somewhat with same-sex attraction. But, it has greatly diminished and no longer dominates my thought life like it did before God saved me. When I was gay, it was all my friends and I talked about, we ruminated over it constantly!

God can do anything. He created the universe, so he can reorient our attractions. Sometimes I pray that God would heal the sexual brokenness in me, especially given that I was molested when I was a child by a friend’s father (which I think had a larger effect on my sexual development than I used to admit). Who knows—God may change my desires one day. We’ll see. I’m happy to just be single and celibate for the rest of my life. I’m happy to deny myself and take up my cross and follow Jesus.

Something to Think About

• Which labels or experiences have begun to shape the way I see myself?
• Am I allowing one part of my mortal experience to become the whole explanation of who I am?
• What does it mean to me that I am a child of God, a child of the covenant, and a disciple of Jesus Christ?
• How can I hold to revealed truth while treating every person with dignity, kindness, and love?
• What would it look like to let Jesus Christ define my identity and guide my future?